Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2: A Hilarious Medley of Unexpected Side Quests
Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 isn't just a brutally realistic medieval RPG; it's a masterclass in unpredictable absurdity. Each playthrough is a unique adventure, filled with side quests that veer wildly from the expected. Here are a few of the most memorable mishaps I encountered while exploring Bohemia. These tales are spoiler-free for the main story, focusing solely on the game's wonderfully bizarre side content.
Table of Contents
- Laboring for Troubadours, Only to Receive a Terrible Song
- Rescuing an Alcoholic Hunter... and Delivering Him Straight to the Tavern
- Confronting the Polovtsians, Only to Philosophize with a Dog
- Going Rogue as a Thief and Paying the Price
- Selling a Stolen Horse and Meeting Gypsies
- Why Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 Stands Out
Laboring for Troubadours, Only to Receive a Terrible Song
The quaint town of Želejov, nestled in Bohemia's heart, boasts a bathhouse, fighting arena, and a lively tavern. Here reside two indolent troubadours, dreaming of Bohemian musical domination with their "epic" songs. Their problem? They lack funds, an instrument, and any semblance of artistic direction.
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Henry, ever the helpful protagonist, embarks on a series of increasingly ridiculous errands. He steals a lute (risking arrest and reputational damage), only for the musicians to snap its strings and demand replacements made from sheep intestines. Further obstacles arise: a debt to the innkeeper, a refusal to work off said debt due to their perceived artistic superiority, and so on.
After countless errands, the troubadours finally possess instrument, freedom, and inspiration. Their reward? A soul-crushingly boring song about Henry's mundane exploits: theft, sheep butchery, and bag-carrying. The locals cringe, Henry facepalms, and I laugh uncontrollably.
Rescuing an Alcoholic Hunter... and Delivering Him Straight to the Tavern
Remember those lute strings? They require crafting by Vojtěch, a local hunter with a serious drinking problem. He's found himself in a precarious situation: drunk, surrounded by wolves, and clinging to a tree. The intended rescue involves carrying him back to camp, saving his horse, and helping him sober up, leading to a loyal ally.
But what if you deliver him directly to the tavern?
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I chose that path, hauling the inebriated hunter through forests and swamps. His reaction upon arrival? Unmitigated fury. He refused further assistance and limped off, muttering insults. Our next encounter yielded only a grudging offer of the best view behind his shack.
Confronting the Polovtsians, Only to Philosophize with a Dog
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The Polovtsians, responsible for Henry's family's tragedy, are typically portrayed as antagonists. Finding them causing trouble in a tavern ignited my fury. I marched towards their camp, ready for revenge.
Instead, I found amicable individuals eager for camaraderie. Soon, I was playing matchmaker, then drinking with them, and finally, singing bizarre songs. Then, a talking dog interrupted, delivering a philosophical lecture on life's purpose. Inspired (or perhaps intoxicated), I accepted his dare to swim across a lake, resulting in a hilarious, albeit successful, swim.
Going Rogue as a Thief and Paying the Price
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After mastering stealth and burglary, a single botched heist transformed me into Bohemia's most wanted. A simple oversight—failing to remove incriminating accessories and wash off the stench of my crime—led to a swift arrest. The game's attention to detail is truly remarkable.
Selling a Stolen Horse and Meeting Gypsies
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A stolen horse, a sleepy gypsy horse trader, and a runaway steed make for a memorable night. Mikolaj, the trader, took his time waking up and eating porridge before I could finally sell the horse, highlighting the game's immersive detail.
Why Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 Stands Out
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These are just glimpses into the game's charm. Every decision, however minor, creates ripples with surprising consequences. The commitment to realism and immersion ensures each playthrough is unique and unforgettable, making it a must-have for open-world RPG enthusiasts. Bohemia awaits!
